Life is seasons. I don't understand all of them or why they happen. I do know that God loves me and cares no matter how out of control the world around me is. When the safe haven of a home or spouse evaporates you question....why? A lot of us have asked the "Why?" question. My situation is not the worst ever, and so many are in daily turmoil over circumstances or life that was beyond their control. My problems seem huge until I look around me. But, none the less, they tower even as they are dwarfed.
I know God's Word is true and I can not let go. Jesus, be my strong anchor when I feel weak and like giving in. And, at times I do. Wouldn't life be simpler without conviction? Wouldn't it be easier if we just magically transformed into a people pleasers? Just blend in and be someone else! Don't worry about holding out for an impossible ideal.
Maybe the above is more a journal entry but I feel some of this needs to be public. The closing of our public singing ministry was and still is a heavy weight for me. I had absolutely no desire to stop and way it was ended was deeply painful and hurtful. But, it was my marriage or music. I'm trusting and praying and that's all I can do now. My hands are tied and continue to be.
In mid-October Seth, Joanna and I moved to Foley, Alabama. This change has been traumatic for a lot of us. People said I'd learn things about me. Mostly it's just a lot more work for me. :) I am learning things about myself though, too. I thought I knew how to cook a hamburger. As I was fanning the smoke away from the detector at lunch today I questioned that skill. ;) I know how to drive much better on a four lane highway and how to reach in the backseat to pacify an impatient toddler with crackers.
1 year ago today our house burned down. It amazes me how much has gone on this last year. Unexpected hardships, unexpected blessings. This is a blessing to be alive and thank God for this grace. May we continue on being what God wants us to be and living only for Him in the strength He gives.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 NIV